Tuesday, April 23


... the next time I visited  the cat house, the cats kept out of my sight. I cleaned the living room and moved on. Glancing into the living room on my way out I noticed that a clutch of enormous turds had recently been laid on the carpet in the window bay.

Twice a week I go to a house with dogs and a little boy who calls me Harry because that is the name of his friend.

I spend an hour a week in a house where I have never seen the owner, he called me and asked if I did ironing, I said not really because I wasn't very good at it and I worried that I might do more harm than good, the man said 'What if I didn't care', then he dropped his keys off in my letter box and leaves me cash in his microwave every fortnight.

I have recently started cleaning a sexndrugsnrocknroll house. It is the sort of place where it is difficult to tell what colour the paintwork might originally have been but I'm guessing they had a lot of fun getting it this dirty. They don't want me to come very often and they're too stoned to care what I clean.  I choose something that I can complete in a session. The first week I concentrated on a glazed door between the kitchen and living room. After two hours with a scourer and some Ajax I had uncovered a very bright and shiny thing indeed, I imagined them coming home and thinking that a celestial Tardis had been installed.


  1. welcome back to blogville, sweet pea! i see why y'all have been away! large turds, indeed! LOL anyway, drop by there's an award for you at my place! ;) xoxoxoxo

  2. Who laid the turds out? Were they fresh? Were they all dried up...?? Were they pretend ones? We need to know.
    I love reclaiming shiny things from dust and grime.

    1. Have you tried adding glitter to the turds, Miss Scarlet?

  3. Cash in a microwave? Sounds like the modern method of laundering dirty money!

  4. Congrats! You have discovered a niche market: sloppy ironing!

  5. Blimey. Is this what you now do for a living? No more insect filming? I've done cleaning myself... but has humanity really gotten this sloppy?

  6. p.s. yes, great to see you bloggin' again :-)

  7. Whatever do they feed those cats....

  8. Do you also do windows not very well?

  9. A celestial Tardis!

    I, too, clean houses, although I keep getting hired by wealthy people without a speck of dirt in their homes. I suspect they just want me to pick up those items that cost more than I make in a week, rub them a bit with a damp cloth, and set them down.

    I need more stoner houses...


  10. Sav - thank you sweetie, I bet American cats are more gentille.

    Scarlet - I can reply in one word 'steaming!'

    Dinah - More like 'cooking the books'

    LX - Perhaps my niche is showing people that there is someone out there sloppier than them - I call that a service.

  11. Thank you Gadj, nice to see you too, hasn't humanity always been sloppy?

    Hi Helen - far too much

    Lynne - I can smear a window up faster than you can say 'streaky bacon'

    Pearl - The wealthy clean homes kill me, but I love the idea that we are being paid just to touch their nice stuff.


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