I parked the car

and started hauling grocery shopping out of it. Distress noises from another vehicle engine caused me to turn and watch two young men getting their car stuck in the cul de sac outside my house, it's tough to turn a car around there, being on a steep slope, even if you manage the manoeuvre it ruins the clutch, residents just reverse themselves out and back all the way down the road. These boys were university freshers, Boy 1 had a smart new car and just passed his test, he got out of the drivers seat so that Boy 2 who passed last week could show him how to do it, he made some weedy revs, took the handbrake off - the car lurched forward and stuck itself into a lampost with a smashing big sound

Stunned Silence    

the boys got out of the car 


One of our neighbours is a huge man who really loves Jesus, he normally wears a dayglo gilet and carries a placard but today he was without these accessories, so the boys though he was a proper grown up, the Jesus Man was pointing at the car, telling them how it was eternally bonded to that post now and he was starting to get a bit loud about The End of Times, the boys looked close to tears.  They couldn't see me because I am a woman, I said would you like me to get it out?   Boy 1 finally spotted me and said Yes Please Sweetheart in the way that men used to speak to secretaries in the '70s so I got in the driving seat, revved it off the lampost and Evel Knievelled backwards to the end of the road -  that's how a Sweetheart drives

Car Protection League

In an effort to reduce car congestion all the neighbourhoods in our city will become Residents Only Parking Zones - people can buy annual permits to park their cars near their home, visitors and shoppers will have to park on meters or in car parks.

This has been a gradual process, only a few parts of the city are Zoned at this point, some people not yet Zoned are up in arms - vocal spokespeople announce the armageddon: all trade will stop and elderly people will starve in their front rooms because someone is endlessly circling the neighbourhood unable to park near enough to deliver much-needed care or supplies.

I got caught up in a Zone Terror conversation yesterday. A soon-to-be-Zoned woman, told me about the imminent disaster

all trade will stop, people will starve, children abandoned ... 

I said

We've been Zoned; all the vehicles parked on corners, dumped camper vans, constant sharky cars cruising for spaces -they've gone. People walk around in groups chatting, I see cyclists using the road instead of the pavement...


The lady was not impressed

Well that sounds all very nice for people - but it's not nice for cars is it?

Small Mercies

The car needs it's annual health check so I took it to a garage in an on-the-edge part of town.

I left it to be examined and walked over to a sort-of-café to get a cup of sort-of tea while I waited for the car to be looked at. It was nearly School Time so there were lots of noisy children being escorted to school by parents and grandparents.

The sort-of-café has a strip of melamine against a wall which acts a bit like a counter top and there are slippy high stools which are hard to get a purchase on but I gripped with my feet and looked at all the stuff on the melamine which included two cellophane-wrapped gift packs with tags on - these were products from the 'Nappy Cake Company' - inside the cellophane were toweling baby things, wrapped in a way that resembled cakes. I wouldn't want one unless there was rich fruit cake inside.

When I leave the café the children who didn't go to school are riding the pavements on battery-powered mini-motorbikes.

The car has failed the test and will need replacement parts. I ask what the cost will be and I wait while the mechanic phones around asking for prices of things - every now and again he puts the phone down and says 'we won't get those then' and tries another supplier until he's assembled a list of parts that add up to the least money possible, but it's still a big list and it will still take all day to put them into my car so I will still have to give him five hundred pounds at the end of this week.

The good news is that he can fix my broken battery lid with superglue and there will be no charge for that.

Radio Days

Today has been a bust, one of those wading-through-treacle days where nothing turns out well -  background mood supplied by torrential rain.

I have taken refuge in the radio.

There was someone talking about Google self-driving cars and the thorny issue of ethical driving decisions: whether to swerve to avoid an animal, which animals are more swerveworthy than others  and what to do when faced with the choice of crashing into a bus or ploughing down pedestrians. 

There is apparently a surreal European initiative called the Sartre project, in which a convoy of self-drive cars follow a man driving a lorry.

If you're not in the UK, the piece is  written down here,  the radio show is here.

THINGS WE DON’T UNDERSTAND AND DEFINITELY ARE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT

title of a performance by Miranda July

Also on the radio: news that Brokeback Mountain has become an opera, illustrated with a section where the men sing to each other in that operaticky mad-talking-in-funny-voices way.  The next time I need to say a difficult thing to someone I will definitely do it in the operatic style.


image from Algae Opera