Talking to Children

I have booked a week away at a summer school, there is an accomodation list. I dial one of the numbers, a young person answers with supreme confidence.

I say

Hello I'm calling about accommodation in the summer

we don't do that

is this Nicholas Greshington's house?

he lives here

it's for the Summer School

oh yes we do that

do you know if you have a room available?

yes you're the first to call

how much do you charge?

less than average

I'll take it - thank you sir !





On Tuesday, our family converged on my parent's house for a reunion. I slept on the sofa in the living room and my two-year-old niece came to inspect me in the morning.

Usually an attempt to wake me up involves little fingers peeling back my eyelids but she saw the pile of my clothes and picked through it with great interest. Discovery of my underwear halted her  - she held up an astonishing thing and and looked at me open-mouthed.


Are these your knickers?

Road Trip. 3: In Which I Encounter Children

Ensconced in Scotland, looking after my sister's children. Have only dropped baby twice so far and seem to be getting on quite well with the four-year-old who shares my enthusiasm for Dennis the Menace.

I tell the boy about my new grave-digging job, he thinks about all the excavating involved and says:

I expect you have to do that to stop them smelling