Friday, April 21

I think I am living in a Smart Home



but I'm not smart enough to know what that means.

There's a lot of automated things that seem to be operating me: a circular hooverbot will suddenly start trundling round the room bumping into furniture, chewing up the cat's toys and getting stuck under the fridge, then a voice tells me that I'm going to enjoy 'this' music or she'll start nattering to herself but if I ask her what the weather's going to do tomorrow she keeps a sullen silence. I can see 'eyes' in all the objects - I've no idea how many things are watching me (I've turned some of them to look at the wall but they might be unsmart eyes). 


In the bathroom the soap will only dispense itself if I stroke it in a particular way and there's a creature there that sometimes sneezes perfume. Heaven knows what the lavatory is capable of.

6 comments:

  1. Yikes! Surveillance house! The bathroom bots are a special worry! Perhaps some strategically placed gaffer tape?

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    1. It seems to have brought out the exhibitionist in me

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  2. The new "haunted house." Capable of inducing paranoia as any square-towered Victorian mansion. If I were you I would get some masking tape for every little beady eye and take the battery out of the disembodied voice. I did admire the views from the place in your last drawing. From a re-purposed warehouse on the south bank of the Thames maybe? ( I once visited such a place via private elevator and all and the view was similar).

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    1. It's a brand new development but those repurposed warehouses are all around Kim. I've still not got tired of the views

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  3. I've just spent a few days dog-sitting.That house also has perfume-sneezy things and more remote control units than I've ever seen.Couldn't find one to work the BIG tv, but since the programmes were rubbish I read a book instead.

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    1. I can only operate one of the things that can happen on the big TV - getting some school work done at last!

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