Friday, June 25

High Anxiety

I fought my tendency to pessimism for years - then I realised that living in that state of happy surprise when things aren’t ever quite as disastrous as I expected is probably as good a place to be as any.

Making television programmes demands that an enormous amount of money and energy be invested before any project has the slightest hope of getting off the ground. I am a partner in this particular business but The Director and Miss Whiplash are in charge of most of the buttons - I just peep between my fingers from behind the sofa while they move noughts around on spreadsheets.

Earlier this year our company made a film which was really rather good, we’re up for more prizes and there have been talks about making more programmes. The talking goes on for ages before anyone actually writes a cheque so we have to get on with ordering equipment, booking flights, finding new premises and keeping our fingers crossed.

I try and internalise my predictive gloom which leads to some funny symptoms like the ones where I think I’m having a heart attack or that I've got flu or that I am slowly being paralyzed by worms. I also get those dreams where I discover myself in a state of public disarray, this weeks prize dream involved being at the hairdressers and asking if I had any bald patches, Oh yes Madam said the hairdresser and held up a mirror to show me that not only was the back of my head bald but my brain was exposed and bleeding.

That might explain my grumpiness - an exposed and bleeding brain is not easily accessorized.

The first filming trip for our new set of programmes will be to Sri Lanka, there would be job for me on this one and I really really want to go - naturally I’ve refused to believe it would actually happen, I went along for the innoculations (just in case). Then, yesterday, after a kafkaesque morning at the Sri Lankan Embassy I stood blinking in the sunshine with my hurty arm (from the jabs) and a fistful of officially stamped documents and I woke up to the fact that 1000 people per year die from snake bites in Sri Lanka and I’d better get a move on with my bespoke suit of full-body armour - I’m having special added spikes attached to foil the leopards and crocodiles.


  1. it's a crazy life, sugar! one day we'll sit down and exchange stories (war, in my case) over a cuppa! xoxoxox

  2. Yumm, there is some excellent eating to be done in Sri Lanka!

    Just beware of being reckless with that body armor. That kind of armor no longer stops bullets. So remember, if you see croc equipped with a modern firearm, discretion will serve you better.

  3. My granddad survived a short posting there armed with nothing more than a layer of khaki and the natural optimism of somebody who's spent a year being shot at and can still have a cup of tea. The inoculations probably have a similar magic.


  4. oooh that would be a very exciting adventure indeed! Perhaps we could make you some blingy kit? Snakes can't bite through Swarovski crystals, right?

  5. The good news is that full body armour with spikes goes very well with bald patches and exposed bleeding brain.

  6. Have a go at channeling the spirit of Sir Arthur Charles Clarke. He could provide lots of tips for surviving in Sri Lanka!

  7. 100% of the people I've known that have gone to Sri Lanka never returned.

    The good news they were born there so I suppose they just decided to stay.

  8. Make sure you're on the Sri Lanka trip!

    Whatever the perils...which usually involve chilli in excess.
    Mr. Fly wanted a fried came with chilli. He fried his own, adding black pepper...howls of 'how can you eat that hot stuff?' from the cooks.

    Even his crab came with chilli.

    He loved it, every minute of it.

  9. Leopards and crocodiles? I'd watch out for the Tigers!
    (And the spin bowlers!)

  10. Sounds exciting in many ways. Ties elastic bands round your ankles, then the snakes will never get anywhere important.

  11. Oooh, another Earwig Sandwich adventure!?!? Love it, Lulu. I, for one, will be rooting for you.

  12. Woah, scary dreams. I've been having some of those recently too, must be the weather. If Sri Lanka's anything like India, you're as likely to be laid low by a salad as by a snake - good luck!

  13. Sav - we'll sit down and exchange stories over one of those Colonel jobbies darlin' xxx

    Alesa - looking forward to the food certainly

    Kevin - I bet you still have his pith helmet can I borrow it?

    Kat - Swarovski crystal boots and Martian fairy dust boots - YES PLEASE!

    louciao - Spiky armour and bald bleeding head should scare at least some predators.

  14. xl - Sir Arthur Charles Clarke comes from not far from where I live now so channeling should be a cinch - will go to Minehead and plug into the energy waves.

    Will - haha

    Mrs fly - Good that Mr Fly liked his visit - I can't wait and I love chili

    Hello idlethoughts - Oh Crikey - more things to worry about

    Madame DeFarge - elastic bands? ok will do

    Thanks Scribe

    Gadjo Dilo - My dreams do change with the weather - but usually scary

    and apparently I should start worrying about Dengue fever about now

  15. You absolutely must go on that trip. Take your camera and a big notebook (for map drawing and recipe recording) and tell us all about it in the glorious detail you excel at. This is set to be my vicarious holiday of the year!

    Have you read Reef by Romesh Gunesekera, it's set in Sri Lanka (he is from there) and describes the culture, food (steamed parrot fish, love cake), and landscape beautifully?

  16. I have had bizarre anxiety dreams all my life, but this sounds like a good reason to have one. I hope you get to go and tell us all about it.

  17. Go! Go Gadget spikes!!

    Ha - it's REEEEALLLLL! Have a great trip and watch out for those snakes on the set ;-)

  18. Actually brains don't bleed much.

    I usually charge for information like that but this one's a freebie.

  19. My wife is like this. She always expects the worse to happen but of course it never does.

  20. Ouch (about those anxiety dreams). That isn't good Lulu. I'm a bit worried about you, leaving aside the threat of Sri Lankan snakes.

    In my old bad job I used to dream that I would reach back into my mouth to find great hunks of molars were loose and falling out of the bone. I changed jobs. It helped. Tale care.

  21. Eryl - I can't wait for the fish - will go and find Reef - thanks for the tip xx

    FJ - will do my best sweetie

    Ange - I do think it might happen - YIKES!!!

    Inky - if my brain is bleeding and it isn't supposed to, I must have all the more reason to worry - no?

    BB - I guess someone has to do the worrying

    K - Tooth dreams - I get loads of them, and ripped dress dreams and sinking dreams and ...

  22. Oh boy, an asian adventure from the comfort of my own armchair.
    Chilli with everything is a must at our house too.
    Can't wait for the tales to begin... you need this book


Related Posts with Thumbnails