Monday, July 11

Ant Hoovering

Today I finally hoovered the ants.

During any given summer many ants launch themselves on doomed nuptial flights wherever it is that I am staying. It seems futile to try and do anything about it until the stream of bodies stops but I’ve been here for two weeks now and still they are pouring out from under my window frame, heading straight for any electrical items and then dying. Drifts of little black bodies had piled up too high to ignore any longer.

After hoovering I rediscovered the product that I bought last week in the Azores. I haven’t dared use it yet, I think it is moisturising cream but then again my translating powers might not be all they should be.


I prefer my body lotion not to smell. A few years ago I endured a harrowing journey to London when I boarded a train after rubbing my knees with cocoa butter. The train was packed and I took a seat behind a family with a little dog, the child started on immediately and loudly that there was 'Someone eating chocolate’ and the dog spent the entire journey scrabbling at me through the seats.

Despite the train-and-cocoa-butter experience, I ended up buying this product mainly because I was intrigued by the words on the bottle. 'Love Lotion’ promises 'sexy and attractive skin’ which is what one might hope for in a moisturiser but it also explicitly claims in words written around a pair of kissy lips that it 'seduces 9 out of every 10 men’ on the back of the bottle this claim is reinforced with the words 'in tests 9 out of every 10 men ...

I need more information about this testing:
at what distances does Love Lotion work? Does it work on any particular sort of man?

The claim states that 90 per cent of men are seduced by Love Lotion but was it applied to women or, like cigarettes and other cosmetics, was the testing done on beagles and mice?

If anybody reading this is a tester for Love Lotion will you please supply answers to my questions.

16 comments:

  1. There might be a mass exodus from local closets!
    And some "perfumes" react with normal secretions(sweat, dear) in very hot weather and become more like cat pee.
    And anything that attracts 9/10 men probably has a beer factor of 99!

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  2. We have the ants too, little feckers!

    As for attracting men, we have only two feelings, hungry and horny. If he's not horny make him a sandwich! :¬)

    xxx

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  3. no ants, but spiders of all sorts seem to be hanging around the plantation, sugar! xoxoxoo

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  4. Peppermint oil is very effective against ants, especially if you can find the nest - just a few drops. I don't like killing anything but when little beasties really start causing trouble . . .

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  5. Hello:
    We have it on very good authority that 'Love Lotion' was tested on ants.

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  6. I believe that the test objects were various, and ranged from oranges to monster trucks. The subjects were left gibbering wrecks and several are still undergoing therapy.

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  7. My cocoa butter has never had this effect! You must have naturally seductive knees!
    As for the ants - they seem to hate Bergamot Essential Oil.
    Sx

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  8. What do ants have against bergamot I wonder. I rather like that smell

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  9. Ms Idlethoughts and Map
    anything that attracts 9/10 men probably has a beer factor of 99!
    sound like my lotion is made of beer and sandwiches then!

    Sav - ants or spiders hmmm ... are the spiders big ones?

    Synchy and Scarlet - these emerging winged ants just pour out and die pretty quickly anyway but will try the repellent oils on the other ants who are trying to get to my cakes.

    Jane and Lance Hattatt - thank you for that information

    Eryl - adding Love Lotion to a monster truck must really get the guys going - not surprised there's wreckage

    Nursey - I guess ants prefer darjeeling

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  10. No ants yet inside the house here, but for the past three days the same field mouse has run past my patio door. Perhaps I should douse the neighbourhood cat with the Love Lotion to attract the mouse/mice to her...

    Also, I'm not really sure if I want to know what is in this Love Lotion... just sayin'.

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  11. You always raise a smile.

    Have a nice day, Boonie

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  12. Oh the flying ants over at my house has been nightmarish - falling on my head and arms! They must have had a mass reproductive hysteria this year!

    LOL! You gotta test the love potion on the crew. :p

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  13. My houseboys set down ant traps of some sort recently and within two days the ants were kaput.

    Let me know if you want me to check the brand name.

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  14. I want to know how one guy could resist such a package.

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  15. If you slather your knees with the honey Love Lotion there is a possibility of attracting bees!

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  16. Scribe Perhaps I should douse the neighbourhood cat with the Love Lotion I want to know how that goes.

    Boonie - Thank you

    wickedlizard - I have been dabbing
    love potion on the crew and recorded increased attraction to biting insects

    MJ - sounds effective.

    Wow - nothing and no-one can resist Love Lotion.

    xl - I am attracting bees, wasps and ants

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