Saturday, February 28

Rubbery Housework Opportunity

28th February
I’ve come back to the UK where our house has been completely taken over by preparations for filming - it’s chaos.

The Director and Camera Boys are busy making devices to hold and move cameras, this involves drilling metal plates, attaching the bits together and adding motors to Heath Robinson-inspired contraptions. The obvious place to do this is the kitchen table, stray screws and metal shavings find their way into the sugar bag and worse. Food preparation would be asking for trouble so we’re taking turns to go out and forage for sandwiches and curry.

The kit is tested out in the garden and a muddy path now leads inwards from the back door showing the boys movements around the house. After 24 hours of this I started looking for escape routes and came across this ad on Gumtree
Cleaner required for various hours at small 6 bed B&B.
All equipment supplied.
Rubber uniform provided and must be worn.
£8 per hour for experienced and open minded cleaner.
Replies required asap

It didn’t strike me as very well paid so I showed the ad to our Production Manager Miss Whiplash, she told me that her friend in Cheam has a man in rubber who comes round to do the cleaning for free ... she has to follow him around a bit and humiliate him - but she doesn’t have to touch him or anything


  1. I call that exploitation. She should at least put on stilettos and give him a bit of heel. If the filming is in France, wouldn't it be more sensible to make the equipment on site?

  2. I'm not sure which I like better, the story or the collage.

  3. Gorilla - I think a bit of heel costs extra.

    The equipment will continue to be fiddled with in France. The boys probably like going back to their own homes and wives and we'd all get heartily fed up with each other if we lived together for any longer than the filming period (which will be 5 or 6 months this year).

    alphawoman - you don't have to choose

  4. on site filming in your OWN home?...i am so sorry, sugar! i've heard horror stories from my days out in lalaland and avoided all, well except for a couple of student films...anyway, good luck. xoxo

  5. You tolerate a great deal more than I would. But I like the sound of the cleaner. I wish I had a bigger flat in London to justify the expense.

  6. "open minded cleaner"

    Maybe they expect her to clean the windows as well?

  7. I have a team of Houseboys who cook and clean for me.

    The problem is having only one bathroom as they push and shove in the morning to glamourize themselves.

    Oh Hai XL!

  8. So the ants are alone in the fridge in the house in France? Don't they have to be woken up soon?

    I wonder why the cleaner has to wear rubber. Why not latex? Far more effective for the bending over aspect of cleaning.

  9. A man in *rubber just doesn't feel the same, but if it's free, what the hell?!

    Will another crew be making one of those now mandatory docu-dramas on "the making of" your project? Your descent into madness will win the hearts and minds of millions..and I don't need to remind you that those little gems are the ones that snag Oscars.

    Just sayin' is all.

    WV is *VAGSTAB

  10. Savannah - and those 'student' films - I think we should be told

    Madame D - Sounds as though with the right connections you get it for free and if you're prepared to step on the chap a bit you could get paid to have your cleaning done - what's not to like?

    XL - They could be talking about the windows - is that what they mean by 'Open-minded' in the US?

  11. Frenchie - I'm not an expert - yet.

    Maybe rubber comes in better colours

    Ants will be aroused when we've made their new home

    Donn - I imagine that a man in rubber wouldn't feel the same as a woman (or a duck). But you're the man with the experience ...

    This is the making of - are you not paying attention?

  12. I thought you were filming insects. I'm confused again. What insect is so entertaining that it needs to be filmed for 5 or 6 months at a time??

  13. Gadjo - never underestimate the entertainment value of bugs.

    there are about 80 species/things to be filmed - that's counting the larval stages as separate things

    Natural History filming yields an average of 20 to 30 seconds usable footage per day of shooting. ( I know, I know, whatever you're going to say I bet I've said it - including the snorting)

  14. I have previously commented on the glacial speed of a shooting day here

  15. *ants will be aroused*?

    By the rubber no doubt.

  16. I'm cognitively retarded so please forgive me. Just to clarify, you are in fact making a making of the making of too? Clear as mud eh?

    My grey matter is seriously degenerating and it's causing all sorts of problems.

    I was hoping that I would still have some synapses in working order in my early fifties but it appears that you can't always get what you want.

  17. MJ - sorry, forgot to say bonjour last time, intrigued by these houseboys they sound more like laydeeboyz.

    Donn - I think it's me that's retarded, cognitively and any other way. I guess I see this blog as 'the making of' - we will try and film ourselves filming if we can - but that might involve mirrors

  18. that man in rubber bears a striking resemblance to the late Freddie Mercury.

    i'm not sure i would pay to have someone dressed like that clean up after me. i have a sneaking suspicion i'd have to stand over him the whole time saying 'you missed a spot'

  19. nothing exciting, sugar...the children were film students very early on...

  20. TP - I guess if Freddie came round with a hoover I wouldn't be too worried about the odd spot.

    Savannah - and did you get to star in their movies?

  21. I have a friend who works in the rubbery housework industry. She once told me "Oh, I don't really clean anything, but my performance is based on the theme of cleaning."

  22. don't really clean anything, but my performance is based on the theme of cleaning
    Katrocket - I love the image that is now in my head, what more can I say?


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