Thursday, July 16

Dilo Doll Mania Starts Here

Now that we’re blessed with so many television channels, the content needed to fill the yawning chasms of televisual space must be found from somewhere. Mr Dilo in Romania has come up with a winning proposal for a game show; his idea is to pitch his wife Banzai-style (who I totally back to win) against some other people with an unconventional take on their chosen religion.

I’m planning to steal his idea (Genius Steals – Mssrs Picasso, Wilde & Elliot said so), but first I need a photo of Mrs D so I can get some plastic dolls made and a load of other stuff with her image on it – then I’ll be onto a winner and get rich.

I know this because I have recently had a lesson in the economics of children’s television from a lady working for a Spanish television channel - she has a budget of 8 euros ($11) per minute to spend on children’s programming*.

For this sector, programme ideas come mainly from people who want to sell stuff; so a set of characters is thought up by a marketing person, they get together with a manufacturer who then make a load of toys, clothing - you name it they'll make it, branding the characters over as many bits of old tat as possible. The marketing people write out guidelines for the merchandise and then get it strung together into an extended advert which is then called a children’s television programme.

Dilo's idea is perfect for kids, they love punch ups don't they? Earwig Sandwich will soon be given over exclusively to offering you our latest range of Dilo Dolls, Mrs Dilo Lunch Boxes, football strips and ear wax holders. Hand over her photo Mr Dilo and I’ll cut you in – don’t make me make it up!

*To get a broadcast-quality tape of an hour-long programme copied and sent to a tv channel, it would cost in the region of $150 plus courier costs.


  1. of course, y'all know what i thought the title of this entry was, sugar... ;~D xoxox

    (by the by, think you can do a tie in to a fast food restaurant?)

  2. €8/minute is ridiculously low for programming, but I sure wish I had a talent where I could be paid that!

    PS: Miss Savannah!!!

  3. Fickle kids will demand you buy them ANY old crap, it seems! :) Except vegetables.

    As for Savannah's comment, there's a gold mine to be made right here with "Dildo Dolls" - especially vibrating ones.

  4. Good heavens, this is flattery of the highest order and I'm sure Mrs Dilo would think so too if only I allowed her to look at blogs! Pictures of her have been shown before, but here they are again and again - and she chose them, I feel required to point out again.

    8 euros an hour, eh? And I suppose that comes with the stipulation "And don't spend it all on the same sock puppet".

  5. Savannah - tie-in to fast food, Hmm I'm seeing clowns, some kinda colnel fella... you got something kid.

    xl - one person getting paid that would be fine, the channels have budgets of thousands of euros per minute for adult and 'youth' programming.

    Vegetable Assasin - I see you also can see how far we can go with this concept.

    Gadj - glad you've co-operated - and if she's not checking the blogs she doesn't have to know how much money we're making out of her!

  6. She could also have happy periods and sell Dilo pads?!

  7. Can I join the queue for a Dilo Doll please?

    Okay, Lu - which E Street band member was 'yours'? They were fantastic (was it Nils?)

  8. They know how the saying goes: Copy with pride!

    Gosh, I am so tired. I first read 'dildo dolls'. Must. Get. More. Sleep.

  9. Scarlet - the possibilities are endless, do you want to run the women-only lines?

    Frenchie - 'Mine' was David Sancious, the one that lived on E Street. We were together for a few years and I fled to Budapest when it all fell apart. On my first day in the city, I stopped for a coffee in a grand café. A handsome chap gave me the eye and slid over to my table. He asked my name, then introduced himself;

    'My name is David, I'm from Belmar, New Jersey, where Bruce Springsteen comes from, in fact I live on F street'

    Met Mum - all mums need more sleep, but I don't think you were the first to misread the title.

  10. Obviously I wasn't the only one who misread the title!

  11. You have a keen eye for a merchandising opportunity, I'll give you that. You could extend it to a little range of blogger dolls. We could all be famous.

  12. Oh, are they available in a Babushka doll stylle? That way I can store some dru, er, herbs and spices in them!

    And perhaps some shot glasses, why not an entire line of dishware with her face on them? Some commemorative plates perhaps?

  13. Don't worry, everybody reads it as "dildo" the first 10 or so times! Yes, a whole range of blogger dolls, and they can then battle it out in a virtual arena (oh shit, that's hardly new, half the world's teenagers are already spending most of their time awake doing just that.)

  14. MJ - I can't understand it

    Madame Def - Blogger dolls - we'd be famous, but I want to be rich and that means filling the world with plastic

    'Ello Ero - so a drink 'n' drugs range then?

    Gadj - I see these little pictures as blogger dolls, isn't blogland a virtual arena?

    This is all very well but it's not making us rich is it - plastic rules!

  15. In my day the budget was low, but the entertainment sky high. One only has to revisit finger bobs and finger mouse for clear evidence of that, Lulu.

  16. Emerson - were you a fingerbob boy? - those were the days when you could make your own television tie-ins from bits of your mum's gloves

  17. I'm willing to become your wealthy financial backer in bringing us Dilo-Doll-Vision, provided you're willing to work for €8 a minute. And that the show goes for not more than 2 minutes. I look forward to our collaborative excellence on this high-quality project.


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