Barney has been in the office helping out for a few days, I’ve known him since he was very young, he’s now 18 and has become awfully tall and spotty, I have my suspicions that aliens visited him a couple of years ago and exchanged his brains for bits of fluff and mice.
He finished with ‘school and stuff’ over a year ago but hasn’t been able to get more work than the odd shift at a local bar. We talk about what he could do with his life, I make encouraging noises about the things he’s good at, he makes polite noises back.
Finally, frustrated at my lack of perception he puts the nub of his problem more clearly
I just want to get some money.
(with that uplift at the end, like it’s a question)
Homeric Hapaxes.
-
Via Laudator Temporis Acti, a quote from Bryan Hainsworth, The Iliad: A
Commentary, Volume III: Books 9-12 (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press,
1993; rp...
3 hours ago
Posts
Too funny. And a little too scarily accurate.
ReplyDeleteIf you ever find a solution to that age-old chestnut, let me know.
I'm with Barney on that one!
ReplyDeleteMaybe those mice in his brain can make him money doing circus tricks while singing French showtunes.
ReplyDeleteMs Teacup - We're working on it!
ReplyDeletexl - Yep, I do get where he's coming from!
Wow - Brilliant!
"with that uplift at the end, like it’s a question" - bloody Australians. I'd like to sympathise - in fact I will - but at the same time I must recommend my alma mater The Open University as an excellent non-student-loan path to obtaining career-enhancing skills.
ReplyDeleteI remember when I was 18. I knew even less than I do know. Give him a good shake, Lulu. That ought to do it.
ReplyDeleteI'd suggest ladsmags then marry a premiership footballer, but I think there might be a slight obstacle.
ReplyDeleteI sort of know how he feels! When I was his age I let myself be bullied into leaving school and going to college to earn a degree in something I hated and haven't used since, when I'd much rather have taken a year off to do a piece of shit job and enjoy being frivolous with the money it paid me while I figured out what I REALLY wanted to do with my life. I think most people would benefit from a gap year.
ReplyDeleteOf course, for Barney it could just be the money. :)
Send him to Canada.
ReplyDeleteI have work for him.
Would he prefer a plain or a lacy pinny?
Gadjo Dilo - I also think The Open University is an excellent institution, probably not a solution for B though as it would involve opening a book...
ReplyDeleteMr Marks - I shake him regularly, will be biffing him with a duster next.
Ms Glory - ladsmags then marry a premiership footballer
not sure if he likes ladsmags - I'll suggest hanging out with footballers if you think that'd help.
Welcome to you Vegetable Assassin - completely agree that time off between sections of study is a good thing (I took ten years) and I don't think continued formal study is for everyone.
for Barney it is just the money - he's working on an idea to make it materialise out of the tv hile he's watching it.
MJ - you'd love him - he'd prefer a lacy pinny
They cloned my son.
ReplyDeleteWhat is he good at?
ReplyDeletePerhaps he could have a go at Britain's Got Talent?
Sx
"I just want to get some money?"
ReplyDeletewould be an awesome t-shirt.
Could he become a standard lamp? Or a coat stand? Trying to think outside the box here.
ReplyDeleteFor most 18 year old boys being shaken by a lady is the limit of their ambition.
ReplyDelete"I've got a baby's brain
ReplyDeleteand an old man's heart"
Alice Cooper "Eighteen"
Ah yes to be 18 again is to be rescued from all the nagging tedium of reality that sucks the very LIFE out of your soul. It was all so simple :)
I remember singin' "Sex and Drugs and Rock N Roll,
dee-dee dee dee dee dee-dee
is all my brain an' body need"
Ian Dury & The Blockheads
Ah, I see. There was me hoping he was a lad who didn't want to get into too much debt, when really he's just a lad who doesn't want to get into too much work. National Service, that's the answer.
ReplyDeleteEllis - Ah is that what happened, I wonder how many times they did that?
ReplyDeleteScarlet - He is very good at clothing, the sort of chap who'll admire my shirt or tell me that my jacket is the wrong shape for my trousers.
Perhaps he could have a go at Britain's Got Talent?
He regularly has a go at the people on BGT
Kat - you're right, I'll get one in production
Madame DeFarge Could he become a standard lamp? Or a coat stand?
Brilliant, really I think he'd like to be a clothes horse - I'll put your suggestions to him.
Kevin - For most 18 year old boys being shaken by a lady is the limit of their ambition.
Do you need me to send Ms Whiplash over?
Donn - Alice's song has the perfect sentiments.
Ian Dury was the soundtrack for my teens, you from those years back so clearly
Gadj - you have hit the nail on the head there, he's hoping that it might rain money soon.
OOh Donn, what happened to my typing finger? - you bring those years back so clearly
ReplyDeleteI seem to recall he looked quite handsome in a photo you had on here a while back - maybe he could use his looks to get what he wants - only joking :)
ReplyDeleteCow feels for this young man and his sad refrain.
ReplyDeleteIt's very difficult for people to get started...
Sad moo!
Frenchie - he is handsome, and charming and has considered a career as a gigolo, but that would also involve effort.
ReplyDeleteMs Cow - It is a common state for the young ones, Gadjo's solution might yet be the best...
As I recall it was no fun to be 18.
ReplyDelete