Wednesday, October 28

Being in London

This week I’m back in my friend’s creamy-carpetted London apartment and wondering whether I should get one those hooded, paper boiler suits like they have in cop shows to protect this perfect place from me.

The London neighbourhood is not at all like my Bristol one; take the local sex shop, in Bristol it's all blacked-out windows and bad typography, here in London the window is swathed in pink satinette and doubles as a joke shop, so you can pick up some bloodshot-eyeball fairy lights and a severed hand with your gimp mask and spanking paddle – it just makes sense.

I'm struggling with the concept of this one, it's a bit like shops we have in Bristol called Pound Shops, where the deal is simple - everything costs a pound. In London they have shops that look identical, stock the same brightly-coloured tat, but the crucial difference is that they promise everything will cost more than a pound, but 99p or PLUS - I ask you!


  1. A niece of mine worked as a checkout clerk at the Dollar General store (everything $1). I took several items to checkout and asked her how much each one cost. She was not amused.

  2. Really, when you think about it, you could call ANY shop 99p or Plus if your items cost more than 99p! It's brilliant. They only need to have one 99pm item on sale and voila! We have dollar stores here and my local one is THE TITS! I can spend hours in that place looking at the stupendous array of tat.

  3. THo nothing is new at our local Value Village stores, they've tons of good stuff, including severed hands and vintage clothing ... but no sex toys. After all, our country was founded by religious zealots who hated sex and some things never change.

  4. Now you're not going to believe this but the local sex shop in, get this, MOOLOOLABA of all places was a riot! My mother used to encourage me to go there (I was of course over 18) to get any and every thing by way of practical jokes. Sometimes I wonder if she ever really understood the place... ;-) See you're going to the right places in London! Been offered a job yet? ;-)

  5. Severed penises would make more sense.

  6. The severed hand is for the lonely gentleman who thinks he needs a friend.

  7. never pay more than 99p for sex

  8. Ellis, what do you get for 99p? Sorry Lulu for interrupting, aren't those your boots in the pic?

  9. There's old ladies at the gimcrack who'll offer sex for 99p

    And it's not even our currency

  10. 99p or plus. How much of a plus, knowing London, one wonders. As for the blacked out sex shop window in Bristol, I guess provinciality still prevails.

  11. xl - Does the girl even still speak to you?

    Ms Assassin you could call ANY shop 99p or Plus
    My point exactly, I was thinking of opening a Rolls Royce showroom with this name on.

    Bill - I like the sound of your village store

    Ange My mother used to encourage me to go there ...Sometimes I wonder if she ever really understood the place

    I bet she understood the place alright

    MJ Severed penises would make more sense.
    well quite

  12. Kevin The severed hand is for the lonely gentleman who thinks he needs a friend.
    I thought lonely gentlemen put a tourniquet on their arm until it was numb for that effect

    Mr Nadler I certainly never pay more than 99p for sex

    inkspot aren't those your boots in the pic?
    You have correctly spotted the supplier of my footwear Inky, a wider shot of the window would also reveal it to be the source of Ms Whiplash's flagellation devices

    Nursemyra There's old ladies at the gimcrack who'll offer sex for 99p
    Do you take them up on he offer?

    Mrwriteon - everything in London is very extra plus and more than even that!

  13. Eeeek... heaven forbid Miz Lulu!

  14. This would be a great idea for a new chain store in France. You could make a fortune! But the items would have to 1€ or less.

  15. Sex shop in disguise? How cool is that. Could you post the address? Have to go and buy some, erm, jokey stuff.

  16. I would need the evidence protection suit as well if I were anyplace with a nice carpet. Shackleton managed to spill some Coke on my brother's white carpet last week. Much rushing about with rags. Oh well. I wish I was there to shop with you.

  17. "99p or PLUS"? So everything costs 99p or MORE? Madness. "99p or BUST" would be good - it either costs 99p or it's broken!

  18. So would a box of matches cost 99p? I smell a rip off...

  19. nursemyra - Eeeek... heaven forbid
    Who does take them upon the offer then?

    Dedene - I don't remember seeing euro shops in France, let's get them started

    Metropolitan - it's opposite Olympia, got some lovely stuff.

    KSV - I think it's my propensity for spillage that worries me. Do come over and check out the rabbits

    Gadjo -"99p or BUST" perfect

    Scarlet - I expect the matches would be novelty ones that don't work though. "99p AND bust"

  20. I am amused by the Western Union sign above the entrance. Handy to know that one can wire 99p or PLUS to loved ones overseas.

  21. Hairy eyeball fairy lights! Oh I NEED some!

  22. Hi Kat - is Western Union associated with money-laundering fraud over in Canada too. Over here one is frequently emailed with requests to put 99p or plus in a Western Union account for safe keeping - these requests often come from Nigeria

    Hello Ms Pie - everyone should have hairy eyebals strung around their Love Garden


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