Wednesday, January 13

Nose Job

Second week of the new job and I'm still finding the going tough. I won't bore you with the details, I did that to a friend last night over a bottle or two of red wine.

I staggered home and tried to get ready for bed but tripped myself up taking my jeans off. I dropped on my knees then nosedived into the bedroom carpet, there was a crunch, then blood. Pity there were no spectators because it would've been very funny to watch.

I look like I've been in a fight, which is not a good look for an exclusive private chef.


  1. ha haaa! now I feel better about my red wine addiction.

    hope the nose stops bleeding in time for work. I once saw a friend nosedive into the carpet in similar fashion but he got a massive carpet burn across his forehead (he still has the scar). Once years ago I was in the bathroom at a friends' place and for no apparent reason swayed the wrong way and headbanged the shower fixtures. Very very stupid. It happens to the best of us!

  2. Too bad it was not captured on a security camera. Those blooper TV shows pay big bucks for stuff like that!

  3. Oh dear! That's not good!
    I also had red wine last night, but managed to get to bed safely. Maybe it was the three cans of Carlsberg Export I had after the wine that caused the steadying effect! You should try it.

    Sorry, I should be asking how your poor nose is feeling today?

    Maybe a mask for work, or a veil of some kind?



  4. MAKE-UP! if i could only take one luxury item to a desert island, it would be concealer. well, actually a tweezer is first, but concealer is the strong second. i'd rather look like, well -- like i nose-dived on my face --, than have one stray hair anywhere.

    seriously, i do hope you are feeling so much better. and i really hope your work environment improves.

  5. you make me feel normal :)

  6. All the ice outside and you slip on the carpet!
    I've done something similar getting out of my jeans so who am I to talk.
    Hope the swelling goes down soon.

  7. I can absolutely sympathize with this because I am the clumsiest idiot ever born when I have even a teensy amount of alcohol in me, and often when I don't! If it's bruisable or bleedable I'll find it. :) Feel better Chef!

  8. Try white the next time you're commiserating.

  9. Crunch? I hope it's not broken! You better lay off the carpet for a while. Your prescription: more wine. It dulls the pain of the nose and the job! And then sign up for AA 'cause I suck at advice giving!

  10. Laughing at MJ!

    Just tell people it was quite a brawl and yeah you look a little beat up, but they should see the other guy. He is still trying to get the potatoes out of his ass.

  11. Tell her you went back to sort things out with your last boss ;-) Wonder if I can fit a magnum into a suitcase ;-)

  12. i hope it's better today, sugar!

    but, since no one has asked, has the lady of the house even noticed?


  13. See, that's why I always get bare naked before starting to drink.

    I hope you are feeling better today and that the swelling has gone. xx MM

  14. Screamish - Thanks, it's good to know I'm not the only twit on the block.

    xl - and I could use the money!

    Mapstew - I shall try the lager remedy, thanks for the tip and sympathy

    Nose is a bit sore and eye rather black, mask is an excellent wheeze.

    MJ - I have carpet burns stop bragging.

    Mrs Weight - I have applied a lot of make up today. Funnily enough things do seem to be improving (I did tell her I got mugged on my way home)

    Sas - 'normal', no such thing!

    Scarlet All the ice outside and you slip on the carpet!
    My stupidity is boundless

  15. Mrs Assassin - I will fight you for 'the clumsiest idiot ever born' championship if you like, or we could have a cake bake-off!

    bb - is that because white doesn't make one so clumsy or just that if I have it in my hand when I fall it'll be less noticeable?

    Scribe -

    Wow and Ange - that is so much the best solution, why didn't I think of that?

    MMMmmmm can you fit two magnums in Ange?

    Sav - thank you sweetheart and no-one has really noticed because I've painted a butterfly on my face.

  16. Metmum - naked drinking! - now that's styleee, you're living in London, don't they arrest you for that here?

  17. "won`t bore you with the details" - please! Don´t do this to me! Consider the bottle(s) of wine openend & share Madame`s foibles with us.
    Seriously. Yours is one of the very, very few blogs around that are well written AND amusing.
    And of course: get better soon.

  18. Poor dear.

    Topiary sniffing tears of sympathy. Ow.

    Hoping things improve soon, and glad you told the lady you were mugged, maybe they will send the car for you next time. (visions of chauffeur and BMW)

    Hate that you have to work for these twits and hate that they have more money than you, they definitely don't deserve you. Or your rum tarts.

    Sympathetic leafy moo!

  19. PS liking the new look of the blog and the pink brain.


  20. Ouch.. I get no laughs from watching other people hurt... I feel it like it happened to me.

    Specially that sort of hurt... too often

    But later, when all is healed...


  21. Ouch! Seems that job is bad for your mental AND physical health!

  22. You say it's not a good look for an exclusive private chef, but your clients sound to me like the type of over-civilised people who for a change might quite like the rough look ;-)

  23. haha.... oops sorry about your fall but it reminds me of the first day I worked for the German heiress. I walked straight into a glass door and gashed the bridge of my nose and gave myself two black eyes. She handed me a packet of frozen peas and a bandaid and gave me a 5 minute break. When her horrified guests arrived and saw the state of my face they advised her to send me to the doctor in case I decided to sue....

  24. I hope you were boozed up enough for the pain not to be very strong. Is the place you are living in okay though, even if the job is rubbish?

    Aw, I wish you were near me. We could fall over in unison


  25. Bad luck there, hope it's not painful.

    On the plus side, your client may appreciate your bringing the fashionably-chic crushed mulberry tone into her white kitchen.

  26. If it makes you feel better I took a nose dive on the ice New Year's Day and had to get 6 stitches! And I can't even blame it on wine, just stupidity! you at least have a good excuse :)

  27. Last night I had a similar brohauha with my parka ... the zipper stuck at the very top, I had to squeeze my head through like a misused sex toy as I wriggled my way to freedom.

  28. Sounds a bit Fight Club-esque to me. Turning up to work with all these cuts and bruises and pretending it was an accident.

  29. Hola hexenundschnecken - nice o see you here!
    Thank you for those lovely words -I'll share when it start finding it amusing.

    Mrs Cow - Thank you my dear. The rum tarts stayed with Whiplash and the CBs

    Jacob Russell - it's ok I laughed - when I'd stemmed the blood!

    Ms eyeball - I am planning to get sectioned next week!

    Gadjo - some clients do like staff with 'background' - this lot are robots though.

    nursemyra - glad it's not just me does this kind of stuff.

  30. Scribe - I forgot to thank yu for your advice - I think you're terribly good at it!

    Ms Fancy - Not boozed up enough for the pain not to be very strong, but boozed up enough to find it funny.

    Kevin - thanks bt nnononononoooo
    colour in the white kitchen.

    kate - your 6 stitches just make me wince for you, bad luck!

    Mr Red - I love the image of your head as a misused sex toy, is it purple?

    Marky Mark - if anyone was going to suss me it's had to be you. Darn!!

  31. Always remove jeans after the first bottle. I do hope you are feeling better.

    Can't wait to make your figgy nut tart, I've just written the recipe in my little 'recipes donated by kindly friends' note book.

  32. Oooh Aow. That hurt just reading about it. The two times Ricardo has had a little toooo much to drink since I've known him have resulted in 6 stitches on his head when his legs were too drunk to stay hooked over the bar that he was doing circus tricks on and two missing front teeth when a joint was incorporated into the equation...not pretty but luckily not often either.
    I hope Mrs Obstreperous has some copassion and it all works out fine and dandy.
    Big Love from us both to you.

  33. Got a little light headed after spelling "obstreperous" correctly and missed the "m" in compassion.
    More Love xx

  34. You poor dear. Big sympathies. I took a nose dive in the tiled bathroom of the flat and now have a fetching scar on my eyebrow. Not a good (piratical) look for a middle-ranking civil servant. Hope you perk up soon.

  35. I did that once, but only once. I was in a similar condition.

  36. Eryl Always remove jeans after the first bottle.
    Best advice I've heard all year - Cheers!

    JoeyJoJo - Oooh poor Ricardo, I don't do this sort of thing often either, it's never pretty!

    Madame DeF - Thanks, bruises now quite yellow. I think I look like I've escaped from a women's prison.

    mrwriteon - once is plenty


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