Wednesday, September 15

God Bless The Classifieds

I have discovered a new favourite thing -  wandering around Craigslist which is classified advertising elevated to art in some cases, here are some of my current favourite listings

Penis Measuring
Date: 2010-03-02, 6:01PM PST

A friend of mine and I have been having a long-standing argument about whose penis is larger. We've tried having our girlfriends confirm to the other the exact size, but neither one of us buy it. I don't want to see his penis and he doesn't want to see mine. I don't want my girlfriend looking at his penis and he doesn't was his looking at mine.

So... We just need a girl to look at both of our penises (individually) and then to both of our faces say which one is bigger. We can't pay much. $50.

* Location: Vancouver
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: $50

or maybe I like this one best:

Looking for a beard mentor
Date: 2010-03-04, 3:40PM CST

I've had a moustache and beard off and on over the years, and I've tried styling it in the past but I just can't seem to get it to the next level. I'm looking for some srs protips with this, as well as possibly some styling services by someone with skilled hands. Please submit to me your beard/moustache resume. Also if you have pictures of you achievements that would be greatly appreciated.

I'm currently having trouble with getting my handlebar working correctly as well as keeping the sideburns even.

This is 'srs bsns' (serious business) as I've been informed I need to style it up, shave it off, or loose my job. (I work in adult daycare.)


  1. Archaeologists 200 years in the future will dig up those posts from a dusty old hard drive somewhere and draw completely erroneous conclusions about standard behaviour in our times. : j j

  2. Who needs the wilder outposts of the net with what Craigslist has to offer....I shall be spreading the word to friends who need something with which to while away the winter evenings...

  3. The things some people consider "srs bsns"...
    It reminded me of a bloke in a pub (why are they always in pubs?) who reckoned his was 8 half-crowns long.I don't think he ever showed the proof!

  4. They can accurately measure their OWN penises by using this handy guide.

  5. I'm thinking MJ left Vancouver a bit too soon.

    Oh Hai MJ!

  6. I’ve tried measuring my penis but I can never find a long enough python already marked off in millimetres.
    Thanks for an amusing post.

    All the best, Boonie

  7. I can't tell you how grateful I am for this!

  8. It's such brilliant comedy, so I'm glad you're passing this link along! I find a new favourite daily: today it's sprinkler yard art!

  9. This member-measurement is terrible science, there are all sorts of variables that will affect the outcome (cough) that they haven't considered, eg girl sexiness factor, length of time since they last abstained from abstinence... . I could go on, but have written enough to justify my concern for the state of Canadian education.

  10. Penis kind? priceless! If they're really so bothered they should whip them out side by side; none of this covert talk.

  11. Jeez, they're always so worried about their wee-wees length...

  12. Have you got Boonie's phone number Lulu?

  13. As I get older, I fear that I could need my own beard mentor. Or at least someone to tell me where the hairs on my chinny chin chin are.

  14. Alesa - or they might draw the conclusion that there was a long and peculiar phase of human evolution known as 'the Cretinous Period'

    Mrs Fly - So glad this gave you joy too Madam.

    dinahmow - Always ask for proof darlin'

  15. MJ - Thank you sweetheart - I will circulate widely, there need never be confusion on this matter again

    xl - or maybe she's thinking she was there too long.

    Boonie S - will you get in touch with Nursey please?

    Eryl - so useful to have something to brighten the day huh?

    Katrocket - Barfing Man - so fabulous I have spent the day making one myself.

    Inky - how often do you measure yours - are you keeping charts of the length variations?

    Marky - I know that's how you British boys do it but apparently Canadians are kinda shy ...

    Leni - No brain room left to think about anything else

    Nursey - Boonie has promised to give you a buzz sweetheart.

    Madame DeF - I also want a beard mentor - so much I'm getting hair transplanted

  16. Oh goody, I'll go get into a corset

  17. Dear god there are strange people out there. Makes me feel better!

  18. Oh Lu, I'm so sorry to get here so late. I am in such a muddle online now - no sooner do I start typing then my connection goes and when I've finally removed the battery from the mobile roving things and let it cool for 20 secs, pressed my four little coloured buttons to get everything back I can sometimes lose the will to be online.

    It's an excuse I know but it's the troof.

    Hope you are well and I did take a double look at the double penises. I'd never heard of Craig's list until the beginning of this year when trying to find a place in Paris for Mr FF.

  19. I've also seen enough penises this last week or so to last me a lifetime. Okay, they might be on elderly men but they are still penises and they count.

  20. I blame French Fancy for this terrifying mental image I know have of elderly men's penises counting out loud, like some demented edition of Sesame Street. Oh my God, they even laugh like The Count!

    Excuse me while I put a cold flannel on the back of my neck.

  21. Oh for heavensake, here is the print out willy measuring chart for those goofballs..

  22. I was serious about this beard thing. I have SERIOUS beard problems. Stop laughing at me, will you please?

  23. Nursey - photos please

    Dolce - just what I thought

    Frenchie - nursing home penises hmmm

    I'm thinking of overcooked cabbage but you seem to have upset Kevin

    Red - a penis mentor - doesn't every boy have one?

    Kevin - Come over here and make that film - it's a winner!

    Excuse me while I put a cold flannel on the back of my neck.

    Donnold - Thank you for helping the poor boys out, btw where do you fit in the scheme?

    Met Mum - it is quite hard to take abeard seriously isn't it?

  24. Hi, very interesting post, greetings from Greece!


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