Monday, February 21

Home Wrecker


The business has moved out of my home which is great, the problem is that where there used to be people and desks there are now sad shabby spaces. For example I can now see carpet, a carpet that I've hated forever - I knew the carpet was hiding horrible, slightly damaged ceramic tiles and we couldn’t afford a new floor. A week ago I finally cracked and attacked it.

I became a thing possessed, ripping up the carpet, leaving shreds of stringy fibres stuck under the skirting, crumby carpet tape residue remained stuck round the edges of the room - it looked a lot worse.

On Friday I came home after a movie and a bottle of wine, I stood in the room and observed how my efforts had emphasised the way the wallpaper was peeling away from the walls. I picked at it and Lo! strips came away in my hands. I went at the walls as enthusiastically as I’d gone at the carpet. At 2am I stood back and surveyed the wreckage.

On Saturday I tried to escape the horror, I wandered into town, saw a linen tablecloth in a charity shop - sweet but a bit weedy, I bought it home and threw it in the washing machine with some dye to liven it up.

I went out again but when I came back the walls and floor still hadn’t repaired themselves, I took the linen tablecloth out of the washing machine - its delicate beauty was completely ruined, something had to be better by the next time I woke up - I found some rolls of lining paper.

By teatime yesterday I had painted over my badly hung wallpaper and the floor was scraped clean enough to throw a rug over it ... the tablecloth still has to be rescued, I’m feeling loads better but a bit tired now.

26 comments:

  1. the things we do when left to our own devices, sugar! *sigh* i'm moving things around and avoiding serious housekeeping. xoxoxo

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  2. Sympathise.
    I've just moved the sofa and realised that I had put it there to hide some cracked tiles.

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  3. As a sometime catering cook/live-in chef you must be aware of the maxim, "You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs." Home improvement is very much like that. And, of course, the damn thing might still stick to the pan at the end anyway. I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. Careful not to tread on the eggshells, darling.

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  4. I see a spin-off opportunity here!

    Grab a couple of lounging camera boys and film Lulu's Homewrecker Show!

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  5. Thank Christ you're not turning over your life to redecorating. May I suggest a small (but convenient) fire?

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  6. Oh how I miss having a home to wreck! When we bought our little ruin, there has been a lot of wrecking going on, but over the years it has become a little polished gem. There are no cracked tiles underneath. I know, because I have dismantled it ALL before. My house has become way too perfect for me. Time to sell it off.

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  7. Sav - we should be going out to the ball game shouldn't we?

    Mrs fly - I think there's a proverb to be made from our predicaments

    Louciao - Thanks sweetie

    xl - great idea, enough of the 'make your house beautiful' shows!

    Mr Red - is that how you reduce clutter?

    Met Mum - nonono - enjoy the gem, never move again!

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  8. What colour did you paint? any before and after photos?

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  9. Bits of my house look like yours after the initial attack. But you've given me an idea; people at desks. I'm going to look out for some and put them where they'll hide the worst bits.

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  10. Next on The Unsellables.

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  11. It is. It's also how I collect insurance or, in my earlier days, almost get sent to reform school.

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  12. I hate that. When I have interior visions. I once tried to make a two up, two down mid terrace village cottage into a beach hut.
    I hope this makes you feel better.
    Sx

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  13. Can I come over and pick up the loose ends? I LOVE peeling wallpaper off walls and repainting.
    You would of course have to supply wine and cook :)

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  14. Nursey - the room is now painted a dark greyish navy blue, sounds awful but it looks very cool.

    Brother Tobias - If you can't find people and desks get some small people with a lot of bright plastic toys

    MJ - They've already been here

    Mr Red - I guess it starts looking suspicious after the first ten or so blazes

    Scarlet - I too have been through the 'wanting to make my town home into a seaside paradise phase' I think British light is one of the thngs that doesn't work so well with this plan.

    Ange - please come over and rescue me - next week when I'm back from the caribbean ;)

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  15. I bet you weren't daft enough to cover everything in jade woodwash... I even contemplated throwing sand on the living room floor. I blame Linda Barker.
    Sx

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  16. I hate it when things don't fix themselves over night. I always have such high expectations when I leave my messes alone.

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  17. How terribly inventive of you. I'm impressed.

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  18. I'm making notes! I move house in a month.

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  19. Haha..innit the truth? Once you alter any aspect of the decor the entire fabric of the space/time continuum begins to fray.

    However, now that you have Fung'd the Shui, you can get on with your life. It always looks so easy on those damned DIY shows.

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  20. I dread to think what you do when you have time on your hands. But if I ever need a carpet ripped up, I'll be sure to call.

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  21. I'd love to see a before and after shot - not that your illustration isn't brilliant (as usual). FYI, there's a product called "Goo Gone" here in the US that's great for getting sticky tape residue off of stuff. It's a citrus orangey oil thing - It or something like it might be available to you there, if you have any strength left and any goo to remove. I think if you put it on and leave it awhile it will work in your absence.

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  22. I'm sure you'll feel happy and satisfied once you complete the transformation.

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  23. Off topic Lulu, sorry, but what do Camera Boys actually do? I mean, I have a clear idea of what Whiplash does (never mind) but with the CBs I'm channelling Peeping Tom. Please tell me not to.

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  24. Scarlet Blue - I had my 'jade green' phase too recently to mention

    Wow - I used to believe tht it was fairies that cleaned up after me but I think it must've been my mum.

    mrwriteon - Do not be impressed, I'm not to be encouraged ;)

    Dolce - how exciting where too?

    Mr Donnnnnn -That is so true, the minute I got that carpet up evreything went all Steven Hawkin (y'know all string theory, warp time 'n stuff)

    Madame DeF - you will get more than ou bargained for - I promise that!

    Alphawoman - Poor lovely tablecloth indeed!

    KSV - I may show just you a 'before and after' the others may not be so forgiving in their judgement.

    I think I do know something like Goo Gone - I'll look it up

    Hi Synchy - I do hope I do feel happy and satisfied - if I ever complete the transformation.

    Inky - Camera Boys can be asked to do a variety of tasks icluding baking cakes and tending to Whiplash's peccadillos

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  25. The demolition before the project is the most fun part.

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