Thursday, November 12

God's Gifts

Light Man had spent the morning mending holes in the roof and would shortly be going out to re-hang the front gate that has been lurking behind the bins since it fell away from it’s pillar a couple of years ago. We’d stopped for lunch and during the pear and hazelnut tart* we discovered that we had all listened to the same Radio 4 programme that informed us about Kate Winslet’s need to wear a merkin while filming The Reader.

That prompted lots of hair/wig-related stories, including a declaration by Miss Whiplash:

That is one area I don’t have to worry about, I spend my life controlling hair everywhere else on my body but my lady garden is naturally neat – I like to think of it as God’s way of giving me a little treat.

*top tart tip – pound together some fresh thyme with sugar, put a spoonful of thyme-y sugar in your pastry and in the cream when you whip it up, thyme + pears = yum!

bearded couple image found here


  1. Yeah well now we know who God's favourite is don't we.

  2. Miss Whiplash is truly blessed!

  3. You are testing my belief that one cannot have too much information about Whiplash.

  4. i will take away the delightful tip about pears & thyme, sugar. perhaps it will remove the image of you-know-who-you-know-what! xoxoxo

  5. I wonder why hair grows down there. Thanks for the tip about the thyme. I can't think of anything silly or clever to put today - must be all the rain.

  6. Did they use a swatch of shag carpet?

    I believe they used to sell rakes for shag carpet too so she'd always be well-groomed, wouldn't she?

  7. Does Miss Whiplash have a pear shaped topiary?

  8. "lady garden". have never heard that term and will most definitely add it to my lexicon! hilarious!

  9. Hilarious. I'd never heard that term either. Luckily your friend doesn't have a beard like in the picture.

  10. Merkins are so versatile, they double up beards, toupées, muffs and mittens. No sensible girl should be without.
    P.S They can also be used as stunt doubles for long haired guinea pigs

  11. After a hot wax 'hair' treatment today I am once again reminded why my bedroom practices remain tame to say the least... Lucky miss Whiplash! Any other 'gifts' arrive for you yet Lulu? Had a blank on your sirname and added the cuzzie's instead. Hope you get it anyway... It's been a week!

  12. Hi Pippa - Miss Whiplash is everyone's favourite!

    xl - I think Miss Whiplash has unfair advantages - especially that line to God

    Inkspot - I thought your brother might like details...

    Savannah it will remove the image of you-know-who-you-know-what!
    Ok I've already edited the further details of that conversation from the next blog post!

    Frenchie I wonder why hair grows down there
    I expect it was invented as a sort of insect guard - you know like some people put a bit of brush on their letterbox.

  13. MJ Did they use a swatch of shag carpet?
    For Ms Winslet? - I think they did - did you see that film - the rug was rampant

    bb mcclain - Miss Whiplash's topiary varies according to her outfit

    Kate - "lady garden" - is our current favourite term

    Dedene - how do you know my friend doesn't have a beard like in the picture?

    Scarlet - we have a merkin drawer at Earwig HQ - as well as stunt doubles for small rodents they are extra insulation under a bobble hat when filming in the cold.

    Ange - I have not had any post from France yet but we have been having postal issues here in the UK - I am loving the suspense.

    Your cousin's surname will work fine.

  14. I was a little confused originally at what whipped cream and pears had to do with Whiplash's garden of Eden but I reread it and I think I'm alright now.

  15. Sorry, I got whipped cream and Miss Whiplash's lady garden and then my concentration seemed to falter somewhat...

  16. thyme and pears and whipped cream... delicious!

  17. Bloody YUM. That is a great idea. Maybe even thyme macarons??? Or maybe not.

  18. Shalala. *clapping my ears with my flat hands*
    Classic case of too much information. I desperately need a big serving of that cake to get rid of the image.

  19. Ms Assassin - confusion understandable gardens and pies - not the obvious combination

    Kevin - Miss Whiplash does tend to have that efect on a man's concentration.

    Nursey - thyme and pears and whipped cream... delicious - but not as exciting as fugu sacs!

    JoeyJoJo - why not thyme macarons? I think you're on to something

    Mrs Mum - cake makes everything better doesn't it?

  20. Mmm, pears and thyme, there's a smutty joke in there somewhere, but I'm just going to say "mmm" and leave it at that.

  21. I find it hilarious that the original need for a merkin has been replaced by its exact opposite. Even our secret lady gardens are subject to the whims of fashion...

  22. Gadjo - I knew you'd be keen on pears - all varieties I think.

    Ana - your comment sent me scurrying off on a google search on a quest to find why the merkin was orginally invented and found this
    A toupee for the pubic area/genitals. In the 1700’s when mercury was used to treat sexually transmitted diseases one of the side effects was the loss of pubic hair. To disguise this condition, (that was not cured by mercury), a Merkin was employed.

    Does anyone else have a better story? I bet Nurse Myra has more info

  23. In Dr Strangelove, Peter Sellers plays US President Merkin Muffley!

  24. My google search found "•A merkin (first use, according to the OED, 1617) is a pubic wig, originally worn by prostitutes after shaving their genitalia to eliminate lice..." Yours is more interesting.

  25. Well, there's something you don't learn everyday. I think my ladygarden has been tarmaced over. Nothing grows there, no matter how much fertiliser one places.

  26. xl - Merkin Muffley would be an excellent nom de plume

    Ana - But whose is the more gristly?

    Mme D - Have you considerd that the fertiliser may be defective?


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