Bracing myself for an afternoon at the Crazy White House I decided to go and see some Art; first to an exhibition of William Eggleston's photos, which inspired me to go mad iphotographing with my iphone. Spotting an Indian sweet shop I went in for some Egglestonesque pics, the owners were charming and talked to me about sweet-making. When I moved in for some close up shots I noticed that there was a jet black human hair embedded in one of the knobbley orange balls I'd been planning to buy.
I erased the hair image from my head with a visit to the Wellcome Collection which has some brilliantly weird stuff - and a great café.
Arrived at CWH feeling mellow and happy. Then the children came home and it was all shattered. Having recently been in a household with normal, happy, only slightly fighty, children, the awfulness of the CWH children is like having the world turned up to horror-movie screaming pitch. I’ve been wearing earplugs but still I hear them ordering the staff around and see them helping themselves to fistfuls of crap from the easily accessible sweetie drawer*.
When they do get brought to table for supper they are plugged into one of their many electronic games and the nannies bring other toys to distract them from the fact that they are eating. Two adults spoonfeed the children, I ask the five-year old why he won’t feed himself
I don’t want to look at the food
This is the nightly ritual, the adults plead and wheedle but the children rarely eat much. They get down from the table and are given more chocolate, the boy starts taunting the dog, his mother says
Don’t do that he doesn’t like it
No stop it look he’s trying to get away from you
This goes on for quite a long time, eventually the dog yelps and the child starts crying - I am so angry that I snap and tell him
And if I see you do that again I will bite off all your fingers
CWH Lady looks a bit shocked and I realise that I am questioning my previously held belief that Murder is Wrong so I say that I am sick and I really won’t be able to come in any more
*why do parents do this? It might be 'Natural’ and 'Organic’ but it’s still fat and sugar.
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Oh my! It really does sound like a very unhealthy place!
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like a household from hell intent on breeding disturbed neurotic people for the future. I don't like children at the best of times, I wouldn't be able to sit quietly by whilst a dog was taunted - you did well there
ReplyDeletemind you, you didn't sit quietly by - you did well there
ReplyDeletexx
it makes you wonder why the CWH people even had children, sugar! something better will surely come y'all's way, darlin! xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like a nightmare!
ReplyDeletethird airing for 'you did well there'
ReplyDelete(I don't know what's wrong with me today. Well I do actually, it's one of *those* weekends - Mr FF was going to be here all weekend for my early birthday celebration, but he has to return to Paris tomorrow as he forgot to bring some work he has to complete)
Bloody jobs!
Both CWH Lady and Darth Undressed have severe cases of rectal-cranial inversion.
ReplyDeleteSynchy - I was perfectly sane on January 1st - you should see the state of me now!
ReplyDeleteFrenchie - Really sorry you've had your celebrations cut short, I know the feeling - Bloody Jobs indeed!
Sav - along with my newly murderous ambitions I am embarking on a campaign for compulsory sterilisation of all people unfit to be parents - it might seem harsh but measures need taking!
I'm also going to make people take exams before they're allowed to have custody of an animal.
Xl - wonderful observation xx
What lazy weird people.
ReplyDeleteAnd the poor kiddies. I really feel like slapping parents sometimes!
xxx
I don't want to look at the food, ye gads!
ReplyDeleteAnd if I see you do that again I will bite off all your fingers
ReplyDeleteYou are my new hero.
No need to murder them, they'll be packed off to boarding school soon. There's something to be said for Dotheboys Hall in the right circumstances.
ReplyDeleteI'd have the same reaction to the children, Lulu. In August, I was visiting my best friend and had to walk out of the house to cool my head or I would have walloped her one. Now, I'm a very calm person normally but she was getting on my very last nerve. Good for you for speaking up.
ReplyDeleteActually I'm glad you didn't bite those nasty little fingers off - who knows what you may have caught!
ReplyDeletegood for you Lulu. And I don't care what I could catch - I'd bite his fingers too
ReplyDeleteEggleston's work is gorgeous
Oh my good lord, I really didn't imagine it was as bad as this. Murder isn't wrong if you classify your relationship with these dangerous sprogs as "a war", but you're out of it now so well done.
ReplyDeleteMap - lazy weird people indeed begetting more lazy weird people
ReplyDeleteEryl Shields I don't want to look at the food it's an eating disorder already formed isn't it?
MJ - I love the idea that I can now get myself one of those lycra superhero suits and become - Chomperwoman
Inky - Dotheboys Hall - too good for them!
Scribe - it's awful when it's one's friends being the bad parent.
Synchy - is brattiness catching?
Nursey - I've long been a fan of Eggleston and it's great to see his new work
Gadjo - Murder isn't wrong if you classify your relationship with these dangerous sprogs as "a war"
Or 'Mercy Killing'?
Man, that is too much. Some people just can't see themselves can they? Super Nanny needed desperately.
ReplyDeleteAstonishing. I can never understand this "it's OK not to eat your dinner you can have some sweeties later" thing (which results in pitying looks from some of the parents I know.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if brattiness is blood borne but just don't even touch those people just in case of strange hitherto unheard of things that will later be named CWH Syndrome! And I just clicked on William Eggleston and thankyou thankyou. I want a real camera more than ever.
ReplyDelete5 year olds should feed themselves. That's a worry. I fear for that child's future wife. That sort of nonsense is how John McCriricks develop.
ReplyDeleteiPhotographing? Blimey
ReplyDeleteTop tip with the kid. Let him eat what he likes. I promise you he won't starve. Worked with ours, a treat
Joeyjojojo - I considered asking if they ever watch Supernanny (to get some tips)
ReplyDeleteKevin - Parents can be most peculiar
Synchy - CWH syndrome is a great contraceptive. Glad you like MR E
Glory - You have put a very unpleasant image in my head now
UberG - iphotographing is addictive - don't start it.
Just clicked the other link. You are fantastic. You deserve a fantastic job. x
ReplyDeleteI would totally be pulling my hair out. But you did see the Eggleston show and that's cool. I am a long time fan of Eggleston...I love his stuff.
ReplyDeleteAaww Synchy - thank you xx
ReplyDeleteMr Jelly - The show nearly made everything alright. Thought WE might be up your alley
xx
They do it because they can't help it. Because they think that it's love. Because they think that discipline and order and character is antique and somehow hateful. These are the same people who smile at those articles about fun hats for cancer patients. It's all about positive thinking. Meanwhile, they prostrate themselves at the feet of growing monsters.
ReplyDeleteBut hey, that's just the opinion of one curmudgeon from Canada.
Oh Lulu - when you talk about those children my insides twist in indignation and anger. What she's doing is a form of child abuse too. STUPID STUPID woman. Terris, by the way, would say 'c'est le cheveux de la patronne' about the black hair in the lolly incident. Do soo miss you! Bright prospects of getting the house in Provence back. Maybe we should open a restaurant inside it!!
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ReplyDeleteThose kind of scenes make you want to slap the spoilt brood (at least I sometimes feel like it), when the parents are the ones who should be bent over our knees and given a good spank. They actually might like that.
ReplyDeleteGood for you that you are out of there. What an unhappy, dysfunctional, sad place!
Quel horreur! I thought you were already done with CWH? I guess you are now... Money doesn't really buy happiness or nice children after all, does it?
ReplyDeletebloody hell, 32 comments! Im sure someone has already said this but thanks for the link to Eggleston's photos...I know what you mean, a rarity, an artist that when you look at their work you get this desire to create something of your own.
ReplyDeletecan you post some of your photos? even phone photos, why not?
Red - I do believe that is exactly what is happening - sad!
ReplyDeleteAnge - Sounds as though there's news brewing there, hope I can come and read about it?
Is the 'Hair of the Patronne' as helpful as the 'Hair of The Dog'?
Metmum and K - yup - it is really really is done now!
Strange how you can't just buy a decent set of kids - ready raised!
Screamish - I've tried to spare you the full extent of my faux Egglestons - that top one is an iphone snap as are the pics on the sidebar. I might even get a Flikr thing going.
So glad you said that.
ReplyDeleteHow awful these people are with their spoiled brats and too much money.
Wish you could rescue the dog and take him with you on your last day.
Mrs Cow - I'd love to have rescued the dog, I will probably end up as a Mad Dog Lady
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