Tuesday, September 23

More Bloody Wasps

23rd September
A few months ago I allowed myself to be nominated the Health and Safety Officer for this insect filming project. The Big Controller wanted risk assessment forms completed and for someone to be responsible, I’m the one with the most recent First Aid certificate so I got the job. I’ve never felt responsible for anyone before and I’m not really sure how to do it. I’m still the laughing stock of the village for turning up at the Maire’s office in June wanting to know what usually killed people round here.

Now that we’re back to the full household complement of The Director, two Camera Boys and me, work has to start on items on the filming agenda that I’ve been trying to steer away from;

We need to film inside wasp’s and hornet’s nests, will you find us some Lulu ?
Let's have a party
Hey look there’s a wasp’s nest right here by the house.

The digging started yesterday and is being done very quietly so the wasps don’t guess what we’re up to, a bit like The Great Escape, but in reverse. It’s important not to actually break into any tunnel or the chamber, so work is proceeding very slowly. The aim is to find the main nest chamber and put in a tiny lens to film waspy activity. The nest entrance is a hole in the ground where (if you put your head really close to it and peer in) you can glimpse a tunnel veering to the left, The Director made a guess as to the likely location of the chamber (a bit further on in that direction), but the clever wasps have found a hole with a circular tunnel (the nest is made in an old animal burrow) and there is now a sort of moat virtually encircling the site.

There can’t be many wasps actually in the nest because they are all in the house with me and what's left of a big box of oozingly ripe figs that somebody generously contributed to Sunday’s party. Obviously I can’t join in the digging as I need to turn this potentially lethal health hazard into tarts.


  1. Wasp tarts?

    Can't be worse than trying to fluff a wasp...

    Are they "wasps?" Burrowing? Sounds like NA Yellow Jackets... a type of hornet, I believe.

    They get quite out of sorts in late summer and autumn. Natural food supply begins to vanish... fly around with a chip on their shoulder... so to speak. Sting at the raise of aye brow. And, being hornets, they don't leave their stinger and fly away. Like those high paid porno stars fluffers fluff, they can do it again and again.

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  3. Hi Jacob, As far as I'm concerned even from a distance this is way worse than fluffing.

    A hornet is a type of wasp, this is just the common wasp - I've added a link to the post now. Any wasp will, quite rightly become aggressive if her nest is threatened - and they'll all be coming for you together.

    Their natural food is sugar which is why they are going for my figs - they get drunk drinking the fermenting rotting fruit tha's around. They will be looking for stuff like caterpillars to feed their babies

  4. You are very funny lulu and write very well.

  5. why thank you ernest - feedback much appreciated


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