Friday, March 13

Ant Condos

13th March
We’ve been preparing the new homes for the ant colonies that are hibernating in the fridge. We have some fat logs and tree stumps ready for the carpenter ants, a section is sliced off the log and holes are drilled to make a network of chambers, most of the holes will be bunged up on the outside with little corks leaving just two exits/entrances for the ants, when they have settled in we can unbung a hole and put in an endoscope to film what’s going on.

meanwhile down at the bar...
Shane has arrived to run the village bar, Kurt’s younger brother and chief adversary. Kurt was nursing a black eye when I took him and his wife to the airport.

Shane works out a lot, his body is waxed and his hair shorn with a number two blade, he wears neatly pressed white shirts, black trousers and shiny Doc Martin boots. He also has an intense dislike of women, non-French people and anyone over 30 ... he does not possess a driving license. Our village is a 20-minute drive from the nearest shop. Because I would like the bar to survive I have agreed to take him shopping with me once a week until his friend arrives to help him out next month.

Our first run to the shops didn’t go particularly well because I resent being treated like his personal chauffeuse and he doesn’t seem to like the sharp edge of my tongue.


  1. i hate him already!
    in my mind
    he looks like a beefier, younger version of Steven Seagal
    (without the ponytail.obviously)

    i think you should torture him subtly on the drive to the shops.
    horrendous music could kick the torture off to a good start.

    i am loving those ant condos!

  2. Buy him a bike. And give him a slow puncture.

    WV: buoyamo

  3. Hurrah - the time of the ants has come upon us. I am so looking forward to this - and I have no idea why.

    So Shane is going to run a village bar which presumably will be patronised by the little old men in your village, none of whom no doubt speak the anglais. This is going to be a success.

  4. TP - Shane's toned, but not beefy, Steven Seagal isn't too far off. As for torturing him, my presence seems to be pretty painful to him.

    Scarlet - I like that idea

    Frencie - I'm so worried that the ants won't live up to expectations

    Shane did school in France so he does actually speak the language well.

  5. Hibernating in the fridge?? Put me in the fridge and I'd effing well hibernate too. If you're lucky.

    PS. More sex please.

  6. I like the ant condo. Looking forward to the ants awakening.

    I see the sheds have been added to the slide show. :)

  7. Did he sit in the back seat while you drove? A lot of people are touchy about that.

  8. Shane sounds suspicious. What happens when he turns 30? Can we all stand in a line and point and laugh at him?

    And I'm really looking forward to the end result of the ant work.

  9. Oh, I sense a great potential in Shane for future posts :) Can't wait!

  10. Inkspot - you are incorrigable and probably ought to have some time in the fridge

    xl - it's like sleeping beauty - we're scared of waking them up

    GB - well I did have to get touchy with Shane - some might call it a slap

    Mme DeF - I am pointing and laughing right now

    Stef - trouble with writing about Shane is that you would never believe it

  11. "Shane... has an intense dislike of women, non-French people and anyone over 30..." Who is this monster??? Ever seen the film Misery? I see him in the James Caan role and you as Kathy Bates. (I mean that respectfully, Kathy Bates is a favourite of mine.)

  12. Ian - glad you like it.

    Gadj - I've only seen a couple of scenes from Misery, If I break his legs, he'd be even more helpless. Shane's like something out of Clockwork Orange. I'm an Avenger - Emma Peel

  13. i can easily see you as emma peel. i always loved her hair and her outfits. i suspect you have some similar.
    shane adds another delightful element to the soap opera "Strange Family Bar". i heaved a sigh of relief knowing i am out of favor with him (female, well over 30, non-french and certainly not buff. ah hahaha)
    we are all eager to read more regarding the weirdness of shane and how the condos, garden grow....

  14. Deb - I tried doing the Emma Peel hairstyle years ago, but failed. I can't imagune things can get much weirder... but the weird stuff does seem normal now...


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