Sunday, March 22

Customer Survey

22nd March
I made a business trip to the village bar on Friday evening - to let it be known that I’m in the market for any old garden-related stuff that people are throwing out or won’t be needing for a while. I’m going to use it to dress the garden sets.

I took the new bar manager Shane shopping again last week and the trip was decorated by some colourful swearing. He cursed the tight-fisted a******s who are refusing to buy his fancy wines. This is mainly due to unrealistic expectations on his part, I suspected that our village society might not have the right profile for his plans and decided to conduct a survey of his existing clientele on a typical Friday night:

Old Dad
Turns up wearing fat slippers, usually drinks Ricard, rarely eats out, likes to see a piece of meat and plenty of chips on his plate.

Comes in for beer after long day farming, lives with his parents, his Italian mother would be volubly upset if he ate away from home.

Frank and Philippe
Pétanque club captain and his best mate, they wear unfashionable jeans, drink beer mixed with mint syrup then Ricard chasers, their idea of evening entertainment = burping contests, when they’ve got drunk enough they go for a pizza.

Philippe’s wife, she’s very smart but as a perpetually designated driver she just drinks Coke.

The Mullet* family
Mme Mullet is a hairdresser and does the family hair, her husband does stuff with used vehicles and leers shamelessly at other women in front of his wife, she watches miserably clutching a Kalua-based cocktail. There are two doughy-faced sons in biker leathers, their mullets resplendent enough to gain free entry to a Guns n Roses convention. The boys drink beer but M. Mullet surprised me by drinking what amounted to about a pint of Muscat (an inexpensive sweet white wine) They do eat out together a lot, I’ve seen them at Jeanne’s café, they tell me that for a special treat they would go to the Macdonalds in the out of town shopping mall.

Lost Bloke Asking Directions
No purchase

I hung with Mimi and put rum in my coke.

* The Mullet family are French, I was curious to discover what the French might call this cut and came across this place and this one
discovering along the way that
the French term is Coupe à la Waddle, referring to Chris Waddle, the English football player who adopted this haircut in the 1980s while he played for Olympique Marseille.

** I went to the bar on my own, The Director wanted to stay in and finish making a ratchet-sprung gnat-catcher and the Camera Boys took the car to go find somewhere a little more lively.


  1. i hope that he puts in a karaoke machine soon. imagine the clientele something like that could pull in?!!

  2. We've got loads of Waddle cut heads in our town - and they wear shell suits, some of them anyway. And they sit in dim little bars and drink Ricard - cut from the same cloth.

  3. gosh, even here the mullett is regarded as an 80's style cut.
    a favorite mix with beer in this area is tomato (or V8) juice. i had never heard of "red beer" until we were in this area. it is pretty good actually, refreshing and tangy on a hot day.
    sounds like you could get some discarded humanoid figure to decorate your garden - that should help attract some insects....

  4. This is my idea of a bar clientele. How could the Camera Boy stay away, with such life on display in front of them.

    I love the Coupe De Waddle. It's inspired genius.

  5. I am thinking the bar would be an excellent spot for some time-lapse stills.

  6. He should offer to pay half the taxi fair if Mimi will drink his wine. Did Monsieur Mullet leer at you?

  7. TP - A karaoke machine would go down very well with the clientele - I'll put it to the management

    Ms Fancy - Waddle Heads must be a universal phenomenon

    Deb - That beer and tomato sounds disgusting - but I've tried beer and mint (which was disgusting) so I'll try Red Beer

    Mme DeF - The Camera Boys are young, they have other interests.

    Mr Bananas - M. Mullet did a lot of leering at me and Mimi - but his leering criteria are not strict.

  8. Ah yes, I remember that when I lived in Denmark "Svenskerhar" was a popular way to insult people with mullet haircuts! I bet the Mullet Family like nothing better than playing air-guitar together to "The Final Countdown" by (Swedish) rock band Europe. I admire them for this.

  9. Please please think of your health. Drink as much rum as you like but don't you know that coke is for degreasing engine parts?

    But perhaps it has its uses as a disinfectant.

  10. Who usually wins in the burping contest?

    Can they burp the alphabet?

  11. Gadjo - I admire them too - and I'm a bit frightened of them

    Frankofile - you are of course correct and I usually keep the coke in my cleaning cupboard - I 'll plead diminished responsibility on that one.

  12. Mj - I won the burping

    They don't know the alphabet

  13. Sounds like he doesn't know his clientelle very well. He needs to open a bar in Paris.

  14. bb - Shane should definitely try his luck elsewhere


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