Friday, January 16

Boom Box Stalker

16th January
The optimism of the rural Frenchman in his sexual ambitions is irrepressible;

It is only the totally unsuitable who pursue me, usually very old, sometimes very young. If the man hitting on me is somewhere near my own age I’d put money on the fact that he has never actually been successful in wooing any woman.

I had formed a theory that these men think I will be dazzled by their exotic foreignness. But then I went for lunch at Jeanne’s café with Florence, her pregnant belly resplendent. She is stunning, a more gorgeous version of Audrey Tatou. Not surprisingly I was totally ignored by the gappy-toothed, the boss-eyed and the lame, they were all after Florence who had to fend off several attempts at inappropriate touching and general suggestiveness.

On a dull day before Christmas, Florence and I set out on a walk. When we heard the thump of a sound system coming up behind us, we looked back and saw a fat teenager with a massive boom box strapped precariously in a crate on the back of his bicycle. It was a funny sight and we danced and sang along as he passed. Naturally he took that as an invitation to have sex with him and cycled in wobbly circles alongside us, making encouraging noises and generally trying to tempt us.

Unconcerned, we walked off the road into the forest assuming he’d get lost. Half an hour later we came to another piece of road , it had started drizzling slightly now - Boom Box Boy was there waiting. We crossed the road and went back into the forest walking on for another hour or so ending up back at Florence’s village, it was by now pouring and we were freezing as we squelched our way down the tarmac - boom box man was there, waiting, when he spotted us he started pedalling hopefully towards us.


  1. If that happens again, order two ice cream bars from him. I am assuming that he simply may be an over-zealous vendor.

  2. oh my!
    that was absolutely hilarious.
    i especially loved the pictures that went along with the story.

    the picture of your pregnant friend makes her look as though she were a slightly petulant pop-princess, run away to have her illegitimate baby on the quiet.

  3. Love the idea of a wobbly cycling in circles as a mating dance!

  4. Ah, you forgot your Boom box Mythology. "Those that dance to the Box are forever slaves to the Box welder." I think that's what Frodo Boxo said in The Lord of the Boxes.

  5. xl- brilliant , of course that's what he was doing

    tp - she's great isn't she, I lifted her out of a '60s movie poster depicting the horrors of teenage pregnancy

    Frankofile - the mating dances are all hilarious n'est ce pas?

    Bill - I'm not reading the right books am I?

  6. I'm sure most men would have enjoyed the sight of you singing and dancing to their boom boxes. Odd that he didn't get off his bike instead of circling you like a shark.

  7. What is in the blood of these rural Frenchmen that makes them flirt all the time? It is flattering though, isn't it?
    They kind of sparkle at one - although I bet the ghetto-blasting boy didn't sparkle, leer perhaps but sparkle - jamais!

  8. I've always assumed that Frenchmen feel the pressure to live up to that whole romeo stereotype. I have to admit that I enjoy all the extra attention from men when I go to Europe, but only because it's such a novelty for me. Canadian boys do not excel at the art of woo.

  9. GB - wooing techniques in France defy common sense. I've had someone steal my bag as a way to get my attention - it did, just not in the way he'd expected.

    Frenchie - I adore sparkly flirting from anyone - it's the stalking and attempts to hold me hostage I don't like.

    Katrocket - How do Canadian boys generally woo? The only one I've met was Daniel Lanois and he was bloody good at it. A post subject?

  10. i am glad to read i am not the only one who seems to attract the elderly or extremely young male and not much in between. is it our "motherly" nature and nursemaid capabilites that contribute to our (sex?) appeal to those particular age groups?

  11. I suspect that since your gorgeous friend is also visibly pregnant she was targeted partly because she had clearly succumbed to somebody. They might as well try their luck, too. Non?

  12. Deb - I thought all men wanted a nursemaid.

    KSV - They just head for the most attractive woman unaccompanied by a man.

  13. there are the men attracted to pregnant women because of curvy bellies & plump breasts - then there are the others who know think pregnant women are "safe" for sex because of the pre-existing condition...
    no, not all men want a nursemaid & the ones that dont - wow!


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