Tuesday, May 5

Brenda Steps In

5th May
Since our village bar was sold last year it has languished in an ever-deepening Vale of Tears. A British couple called Strange bought it for tuppence from a lady desperate to make a quick sale, Mrs Strange thought that a bar would be a nice retirement hobby for her husband but after a few months they suddenly needed to disappear, leaving their eldest son in charge. Kurt The Goth spent the winter emptying the bar’s bank account ... then he also needed to leave, he persuaded his brother Shane The Fascist to come to the village and take over...

Shane is the only member of the Strange family who speaks French, he is an angry young man with a long list of dislikes; top of the list are British people, women and anyone over thirty. He doesn’t drive - for his first few weeks in the village Shane relied solely on the kindness of elderly British women to take him shopping. One day Shane's lovely and extremely camp friend Zizi arrived to help run the bar and do the driving.

Mrs Strange only discovered that Shane replaced Kurt a couple of weeks ago, she has returned and Zizi has gone. I was told that Zizi’s girlfriend was unhappy about him working at the bar - so he’s had to leave - unfortunately.

There is a bright spot on the horizon however – Brenda* has decided to liven things up. While seated at the bar listening to the update of this story my eye wandered over to a pile of bright flyers written in English and using the full array of jokey fonts currently available:

Friday Nite is Brenda’s Nite
For Fun, Frolics and Mayhem
Bring an instrument and a song
At the *** ***** Bar
8 til late

* Brenda is a Liverpudlian septuagenarian, chain smoker, owner of many wigs and recipient of some very large implants.


  1. Don't ya just love a happy ending that never happens.

    Stay tuned, I'm certain space aliens will soon be the new owners of the pub and they'll be speaking only Ancient Viking, Bolivian or Inuit.

  2. I really wish I lived close by instead of a couple of thousand miles.

  3. Bill - I keep thinking a happy ending is in sight - and then it slips round the corner

    Alphawoman - I get a feeling that you and Brenda would gel

  4. Is Brenda Lily Savage? Zizi had a girlfriend? I hope you're filming all this...

    Oh fab WV: qualiti !

  5. Scarlet - Shane's mum needs to believe in girlfriends ...

    Roshni - strange - but true!

  6. A good karaoke/jam session might be just the thing!

  7. Tony Hart points for the nice design touches, LL.

    I'm fortunate that my local's landlord only has two criteria for bar staff.

    1.They aged 18 to 25.
    2.They're not blokes.

    Oh, there's a third as well.

    Shane the fascist? That's priceless.

  8. A great pity that Zizi's gone, it sounded like there was mileage and a half there (did you check the size of the girlfriend's hands by the way?)

    Shouldn't Brenda be swigging milk stout in a snug somewhere in the company of matelots?

  9. One of the only things that I am truly afraid of are earwigs. You know that Twilight Zone story? Yish! But damn you are just so clever. Now I am hooked.

  10. Thanks for the resume, Lools. And, wow... cometh the hour, cometh Brenda!

    I concer with Kevin about the hands; a jam session round the old joanna could also reveal that she's a baritone.

  11. XL - maybe a singsong is all we need.

    Emerz - your bar must be very busy, I hope the non-blokes get paid well

    Kev - Zizi was the best thing to arrive in the village, I'm hoping he'll return with this 'girlfriend' so I can check her hands for myself

    Ms Hamilton Wenham - How lovely to meet you - Im glad I missed that Twilight Zone story - earwigs are very lovely, when you've seen what great mothers they are you'll change your mind

    Gadj -
    cometh the hour, cometh Brenda!I've already had a dose of Brenda's hospitality, I'm bracing myself for Friday.

  12. You can always trust a gal called Brenda - even if she is a Scouser.

  13. this has been on my mind for months.
    every single time i see Gadjo Dilo's name, i read it as, Gadjo Dildo.

    Lulu i just love your carefully chosen images, and the way you so thoughtfully label them so that we know the characters in the play.


    ps. i really hope that Zizi makes it back in time for this Friday night. i told you it was only a matter of time before they got karaoke in. have you chosen your theme song yet?

  14. Yes! I really wanna get down and party with Brenda!

    Also, I think Zizi's girlfriend is a beard.

  15. I don't know what made me think the owners of the bar were from some Scandinavian country or other. So it's Brits running your local bar - all the bars round here run by our fair countrymen have not done very well at all

  16. Things are lookin' up!

    I find it strange that the Strange family would allow their miscreant progeny to take an unsupervised proverbial kick at the cat?

    Apparently Nature really does abhor a vacuum. Brenda sounds like a "well rounded" individual and I have little doubt that the _______ will soon be the hotbed of Romance, Iniquity and Intrigue that the villagers so desperately desire.

  17. KAZ You can always trust a gal called Brenda Are you speaking from experience?

    the projectivist
    every single time i see Gadjo Dilo's name, i read it as, Gadjo Dildo. I wonder what sort of Dildo a 'gadjo' one would be?

    Donn - I do love Brenda but I'm not convinced that things are really looking up for the village social life - I'd invested too much expectation in Zizi

    I don't get the impression that Zizi is coming back - shame

    Kat - You'd love Brenda!
    I think Zizi's girlfriend is a beard too.

    Frenchie - you might have that impression because back in November I was writing about how the Goth son married a Danish girl. When they left the bar they went back to live in Denmark

  18. "every single time i see Gadjo Dilo's name, i read it as, Gadjo Dildo..... I wonder what sort of Dildo a 'gadjo' one would be?" We've had this blog discussion before, of course, and the answer is A Geordie One. (gadgie being Geordie - though possibly from a Romani origin - for an old man). Ask me another, Bamber.

  19. well with a name like that what do you expect Mr Dilo?

    I think TP would enjoy the film though

  20. I think every village needs a Brenda. Even if they don't know it. To take Kev's point, has Brenda ever been a sailor?


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